Bed, Breakfast, and Bondage (Emerald Valley) Page 4

  With one hand fisted in my hair, knocking the pins holding it in place loose, Devlin yanked me in for a kiss. My body ignored my mind’s command. I moaned into his mouth, seeking more of his taste when our lips clashed. I dropped the papers I’d been holding and tried to reach for him, but he let go of my hair and grabbed my wrists. With one of his hands supporting my back and the other cuffing my wrists behind me, Devlin kept me slightly off balance. He was the only thing keeping me upright, and I should have hated the way he took control.

  Instead, I shocked us both by begging for more.

  He held me firm as he devoured my mouth and tightened his grip, restricting my movement. I wanted his hands on my breasts, my clit, but as much as I tried to seek relief, to wiggle and rub against him, he controlled the kiss. There was room for nothing between us, and my core grew hot, wet. I wanted Devlin inside me; I needed to release the coiling tension in my body. The pressure was unbearable.

  And then it stopped.

  Devlin took a few steps back, his breathing heavy.

  “What the hell?” I shouted.

  Instead of replying, Devlin took a few deep breaths. “We both know I can handle any insanity Jon and Leah dish out. Do you want to know why I’m really here?”

  No. No, I really didn’t. Not at this moment. I stepped forward, but he held up a hand.

  “I want you, Naya. No more games, no more being half-in, half-out. I’m tired of missing you, and since coming back to Emerald Valley, I’ve definitely gotten tired of giving my damn hand a workout every time we part. At the same time, I don’t want to do this and have you run away again.”

  I put my hands on his chest, felt his heartbeat through the layers of clothing. I focused on the racing pulse, letting it center me as I tried to figure out what to say. For his part, Devlin waited patiently.

  “We won’t work.”

  He tensed. “And that’s why I stopped. I knew you’d say that. Things have changed,” he insisted.

  “No, Devlin, they haven’t.” I met his gaze. “You’ll still be going back to LA when the holidays end, and I’ll be here in Emerald Valley. We’ve tried this a dozen times before. You were right to stop us from having sex.”

  “I’m seriously regretting it right at this moment.”

  I tried to smile, but my emotions were going haywire.

  He took another deep breath. “I’ve got a proposition. I want you to give us another shot.” Before I could speak, he covered my mouth. “Just listen. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Give me eight days.”

  I pulled his hand away from my mouth. “Eight days? Why eight days?”

  “I was going to go for a week, but since Hanukkah’s coming…” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Let’s go a full eight. Eight nights and eight days. Eight chances.”

  “For what? We know it won’t work.”

  “You think we won’t work. And I keep telling you we will. Just give me this one holiday to prove you wrong.”

  “What do you want?” He took my hand, laced his fingers with my own.

  “You.”

  “You can’t keep me in bed for eight days. And that wasn’t a challenge. I mean, I’ve got too much to do.”

  “Such a dirty mind,” he teased. “Here’s my proposition: I move in with you for Hanukkah and help out here at the B and B like I’ve been doing. But at night, you give me what I want.”

  “Which is?”

  “A fantasy. Four of yours, four of mine.”

  “X-rated Hanukkah gifts? And you said I had a dirty mind?”

  “You do. But I never said I didn’t have one as well.” He flashed me a grin. “Think of the possibilities.”

  “And at the end of Hanukkah? What then?”

  “If you’re not convinced we can make our relationship work…” His expression grew serious, and he went silent for a minute before continuing. “We’re done. For good.”

  I felt tears forming in my eyes. I hated this, but he was right. We couldn’t keep going like we had for the past fourteen years. “Why?” I managed. “Why the fantasies?”

  “You’ve got me all tied up, Naya. I want you, all of you. If this is it for us, I want to go all out. Nothing left on the table.”

  I wanted to tell him no. To burrow into his embrace and not let go. But that was the problem with us, wasn’t it? We couldn’t make a relationship last, and we couldn’t let go.

  Devlin moved away from me and grabbed his coat. I felt cold without his body heat to warm me.

  “Think about it. Tell me on Saturday what you decide. If you say no, I’ll let it drop, and that’s an end to it.”

  An end to us, I knew he meant. “You’re leaving?”

  “If I stay, I won’t give you a choice. I’m not a eunuch, and I want this too much.” He gave me a small grin, but it wasn’t his true smile.

  I nodded, and he left, leaving me to decide if I could give him everything…only to have nothing but memories in the end.

  Chapter Five

  Devlin hadn’t left me much time to think about his proposal, and knowing him, he’d done so on purpose. I didn’t have guests, and unless there were walk-ins, I wasn’t scheduled to have any until Sunday. Even with decorating for Hanukkah and lining up more client meetings for my photography business, I was left with far too much time on Thursday and Friday to argue with myself on what I wanted to do.

  In the end, it came down to one thing: I couldn’t let him go without one last taste. Maybe it was weak of me, and maybe it would make things worse when our time together ended, but I craved the intimacy.

  By Friday afternoon, I’d made my decision.

  “You’re doing what?” Leah shrieked over the phone.

  I wasn’t sure about the rest of me, but my eardrums definitely had me rethinking telling my best friend everything. I took the cell away and rubbed my ear as I stopped at a red light.

  Putting the phone back to my ear, I repeated, “I’m going to sleep with Devlin.”

  Leah snorted. “Not that. Like that would surprise me. Anaya Abigail Bancroft—”

  “Please don’t full-name me.”

  “I have been trying for years to get you to go to my favorite sex-toy store—”

  “That’s not weird.”

  “And when you finally—finally—do—”

  “Really? No comments about my arrangement with Devlin?”

  “You go when I’m forced to stay in bed, moldering away.”

  “It’s nice that you pick up on the important things in life, Lei. It’s one of the things I love most about you.”

  “Pfft. What do you want me to say? Devlin’s idea… Well, it’s an unconventional way to decide things, but why not go for it?”

  “So you don’t think I’m making a mistake?”

  Leah was silent for a minute, but her voice was serious when she spoke again. “Naya, I know you. Both of you. Better than I know anyone else on this planet, aside from Jon. I think if you don’t give it one last try, you’ll always regret it. I also know that if you don’t put a time limit on it, the two of you will be at this forever. So no, I don’t think you’re making a mistake.”

  “And you don’t think we should keep it platonic?”

  “Like that would ever happen.” She laughed. “Besides, the fantasy thing? It’s something you haven’t done, right?”

  “Well, yeah. With Devlin, our time together has been limited, at least since we first broke up at eighteen. At best you could call us sporadic lovers. We’ve never really busted out the fantasy play.”

  “You’ve dated, had sex with other men.”

  “Yeah, but…”

  “For you, fantasies require a high level of trust. I get that, and I’d bet anything Devlin does to. So he’s right; you two are going to put it all out there. It’s intimacy on levels beyond the physical.”

  Hearing that put into words helped; Leah had voiced a major reason I’d been so torn. I pulled into the store’s lot and parked, then rested my forehead against the steerin
g wheel. “That’s the problem, I think. If I give him everything, I’ll be left with nothing in just a few short days.”

  “Or you could have it all.” Leah’s voice was gentle. “You know I’d love to tell you what to do—”

  “Yes, I’m familiar with you.”

  “But in this, it’s up to you and Devlin. If you want my opinion, I’d say put the cards on the table and risk it all. If it weren’t you and Devlin, I may not be saying that, but it is you two. Even still, that’s just my opinion. You have to do what’s right for you. All I’m saying is: love, even the chance of it, is worth the risk.”

  Tears moistened my eyes, and I blinked them away, refusing to get sappy. “When did you get to be so wise?”

  “About the time I fell in love with the jackass who’s been trying to beep in for the last ten minutes.”

  “But you love him, even when he drives you nuts.”

  “Yep, I do. Pity me, for you’ll be having über-kinky, rock-the-foundations-of-the-Emerald sex for Hanukkah while I’ll be sleeping with a man who’s afraid if I so much as sneeze, the baby might explode out of me.”

  “There’s an image I needed in my head.”

  “I live to serve. Now go and let your kink flag fly. Really fly. No copping out with novelties you’d pass out at a bachelorette party. Promise me.”

  “I promise. I’ve got a mental list of some things I’ve been thinking about. Fuzzy handcuffs are not on the list.”

  “The cheap kind doesn’t hold up anyway. You want something sturdier but padded, so you’re not wearing marks the next day.”

  “TMI, Lei.”

  “No such thing,” she shot back. “Have fun, and I swear, this is a great store—very helpful employees but not in an overbearing or creepy way.”

  “Good to know. Now go calm Jon down and enjoy the rest. In a month, you’ll be cursing yourself for not enjoying the opportunity to sleep and laze about.”

  “Probably. And remember: love is worth the risk. Take the leap, and have one hell of a fun ride.”

  “I will.”

  “And then give me details.”

  Laughing, I ended the call.

  * * * *

  Supposedly, with planning and precision, throwing a party should be effortless. Either that was a lie, or I was the exception that proved the rule. Saturday afternoon found me racing around the Emerald like a madwoman.

  Starting my day off behind schedule didn’t help matters any either. After spending half the night staring at the items I’d bought and the list of fantasies I’d forced myself to write down—if I couldn’t write them down just for myself, how would I ever be able to step up and ask Devlin for what I wanted?—I’d overslept. Then my client meeting had gone on longer than planned and hadn’t even resulted in a booking.

  By the time Devlin showed up, a bit later than he’d said he’d be, I was a hot mess of frazzled nerves. Or rather—I stopped to look in the mirror—simply a hot mess. Which didn’t exactly boost my confidence for the coming night.

  “You’re late.”

  “Happy almost-Hanukkah to you too.” He looked me over from head to foot. “How many cups of coffee have you drunk?”

  “Three, four?”

  “Were you using the pot as a cup again?”

  “Ha-ha. Funny.” I ran a hand through my hair, which had long since fallen out of its bun and was doing its natural electroshock look. “Take a look at these, will you?”

  “What are they?”

  “Note cards to help out with the No Limits Texas Dreidel game. I know, games are cheesy, but this one’s been popular, so I bought a couple of sets.”

  “What’re the note cards for?”

  “We get a handful of non-Jewish students at the party every year, and some of them ask what the letters stand for. So it helps to have a key written down, especially since I have some Israeli dreidels mixed in. Can you double-check my transliterations and see if they sound right? I’m not always great at transliterating.” I held them up for him to see.

  “‘Standard dreidels; NesGadol Haya Sham; A great miracle happened there. Israeli dreidels; NesGadol Hayah Poh; A great miracle happened here.’ Looks right to me.”

  “Good. Okay. Good.” I put the note cards in my back pocket and suddenly didn’t know what to do with my hands.

  Devlin put the bags he was carrying down and cupped my face. “Relax. It’s just a party.” He paused, studying my face intently. “Or is that not what has you freaked?”

  I placed my hands over his. “It’s just been a crazy day, is all.”

  “You sure?”

  I turned my head, kissed his palm. “Yeah, I’m sure. Devlin, after the party… I want you to stay. I want—need—to take a chance on us.”

  The kiss he placed on my lips was so soft I wanted to cry. Then he gave me what I thought of as his true smile. Years of shared memories seemed to pulse between us, setting me at ease. Whatever happened in the end, Leah was right—Devlin and I were worth the risk.

  I sighed and leaned into him, enjoying the feel of him for a moment before I let myself get swept back up into the madness of party planning. Finally, I stepped away.

  “Okay, I’ve got most of the decorating taken care of, but there’s still some work to do. Also, I need to move some furniture around and set up the trash cans. We’re doing paper and plastic, since free food plus an excuse to take a break equals a lot of students are bound to show up.”

  “I made some food already. Gelt-filled peanut butter cookies—and before you ask, there’s a separate stash for you—as well as plain sugar cookies and all the latke toppings.”

  “All the latke toppings?”

  “I’m switching up your plans a bit and doing more of a latke bar. Mostly plain latkes and mini latkes, but some sweet potato and curried sweet potato latkes, because I love them. You don’t have to stick with the traditional. I’ve already made the toppings: pear and ginger compote, a salmon mousse I’ve been meaning to try out, tzatziki sauce, and leek and mushroom. And yes, I brought plenty of sour cream and applesauce with me as well.”

  “Dear Lord.”

  “Calm down, Naya. I’ll handle the latke setup. I’ve also prepped the fruit and vegetable platters, so those’ll be easy for you to put together. You plate up the cold stuff while I handle the rest. Leah said no sufganiyot?”

  I was feeling slightly overwhelmed already. The latke bar alone made me rethink how I’d planned to lay out the food. Thank goodness he was headed off at the pass on one item. “No. Crowded rooms means bumping into stuff is all but guaranteed. I am not cleaning jelly out of the rugs.”

  He looked so genuinely sad to be missing out on jelly doughnuts, I added, “I was going to ask if you’d make them for the Hebrew school party, though.”

  “They’re a heart attack and diabetes on a plate, but I can’t resist them this time of year.”

  I leaned back and eyed his physique. You wouldn’t know it by looking at him. “Most food served during Hanukkah is. Please tell me you’ll be able to keep the Emerald from smelling like a fast-food restaurant for the next month.”

  “I’ll do my best, but fried food is fried food.”

  “Blech. I feel myself breaking out already. Why does everything have to be fried?”

  “Festival of Lights? Miracle of the oil?”

  “Yeah, yeah. It was a rhetorical question.” I stuck my tongue out at him. “If you start your magic in the kitchen, I’ll finish setting up, then deal with the platters. Just give me an idea of how much room you’ll need for the latke bar.”

  “Two tables should do it.”

  “Okay.” I rolled my shoulders and mentally girded my loins. “Let’s get to it.”

  Chapter Six

  For all my panicking earlier, the party turned out to be a success. With Devlin taking command of the kitchen, I’d managed to set up the rest of the place. Having some extra time to get in a quick shower and a few minutes to quickly do my hair, makeup, and slip on a nice dress and stilettos
I’d been saving for a special occasion were a bonus that—given what I had planned for later that night—I would not be ungrateful for.

  The Emerald was crowded, but despite the number of students who came and likely put the B and B temporarily overcapacity, the event was both fun and low-key. No one misbehaved or showed up drunk this year, for which I was thankful. And Devlin’s food was practically inhaled by the starving students.

  After booting the last person out the door, I locked up and headed to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine. Devlin joined me a few minutes later.

  “Garbage has been taken out, and the food’s been packed up.”

  I poured him a glass of wine and handed it off to him behind my back. He took it. “Good. Everything else can wait until tomorrow morning. The incoming guests won’t be here until late, and I’m exhausted.”

  “Not too exhausted, I hope.”

  I looked over my shoulder and raised an eyebrow. “Bring the bottle of wine up with you,” I said as I picked up my glass and sashayed out the door.

  My heartbeat quickened as we walked up the steps to my apartment on the third floor. “Do you want to go first, or should I?”

  “Ladies first.”

  We’d reached the apartment. I gulped, nodded that I’d heard him, and unlocked the door. Once we were inside, I downed my wine but kept the glass in hand as I walked into the bedroom.

  The first “present” was sitting on my nightstand, cheerfully wrapped in colorful Star of David-patterned gift wrap. Even if the innocent design could, in some way, make me forget what I’d put in there, the condoms sitting next to the box were a clear reminder. My fantasies may not be outrageous to some, and in reality the one I wanted tonight probably wasn’t a big departure from things I’d experimented with before, but at the moment, anticipation made the box’s contents feel like a huge leap forward.

  I startled when Devlin’s arms came around my waist. He nipped my earlobe.

  “Relax,” he whispered. “Whatever you want, you can tell me. No judgment, no obligations, and if you turn out not to enjoy it, then we stop. No questions, no recriminations.”